INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Two friends, JAKE and GEORGE, are watching TV.
JAKE: (eating cake) Hey, George, I don’t mean to be rude, but have you put on some weight?
GEORGE: (surprised) Uh, what? That is kind of rude, Jake.
JAKE: Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. But I just noticed you look a bit heavier than you used to be.
GEORGE: (mildly irritated) Yeah, thanks for noticing, Jake.
JAKE: It’s all part of getting older, I suppose. I don’t mean to be rude, but have you thought about going on a diet?
Jake has a bulging mouth full of cake and some of it on his chin.
GEORGE: (exasperated) Jake, you’re literally being rude. And for your information, I’m already working on it, not that it matters.
JAKE: (innocently) Oh, sorry again. I didn’t mean to be rude. But I just thought you didn’t have a clue.
GEORGE: (sarcastically) What’s next? You gonna tell me you don’t like my hair or something?
JAKE: Hey, I don’t mean to be rude, but your hair looks terrible and you need a haircut by someone who knows what they are doing. (Jake is balding)
GEORGE: Will you stop saying, “I don’t mean to be rude”, and then mean to be rude anyway. It doesn’t make sense.
JAKE: (figuring it out) Okay, I do mean to be rude, you’re an idiot.
GEORGE: I do mean to get cross…
JAKE: Okay, okay, I didn’t mean anything by it. BUT…
George glares in exasperation while Jake thinks what he wants to But about next.
Rob Walker 