I say, ‘It’s rather complex,’
When I haven’t got a clue,
Then add, ‘We need a paradigm,’
And everyone says, ‘True.’
I nod at other people’s charts,
I frown at every graph,
And when they ask me what I think,
I give a knowing laugh.
I speak of shifting landscapes,
Of frameworks and of change,
And use ‘interdisciplinary’
To make the obvious seem strange.
I went upon a podcast
To discuss the price of bread,
And talked about ‘the wider picture’
Till the presenter scratched his head.
They asked me once for evidence,
I found this rather rude.
I said, ‘You’re missing nuance,’
In a slightly injured mood.
I’ve written seventeen reports,
All wonderfully obscure,
And each concludes, ‘More work is needed,’
Though why, I’m not quite sure.
The government has called me in
To help them make a plan.
I haven’t understood a word,
But neither has the man.
So should you need an expert,
Don’t bother studying hard;
Just wear a look of grave concern
And print a business card.
For knowledge has its limits,
And facts can be a bore,
But nonsense said with confidence
Will always earn you more.
