She wore her silky nightdress,
With a sparkle in her eye,
And whispered, “Talk dirty to me,”
As I loosened up my tie.
She pulled me close and murmured,
“Say something filthy, dear,”
So I told her how the kitchen bin
Had leaked for half a year.
She said, “Oh, be more daring!
I want to hear you swear!”
I said, “The bloody oven’s broke,
And there’s cobwebs everywhere!”
She purred, “I want you naughty,
I want you crude and rough.”
I said, “The toilet’s overflowing,
And the plumbing’s had enough!”
She said, “I want it hotter!”
Her breathing getting fast.
I said, “The fridge is overheating,
I don’t think it’s going to last!”
She cried, “Oh, give me passion!
Come on, you sexy brute!”
I said, “There’s something growing
In your favourite walking boot.”
She said, “You drive me crazy!”
I said, “I thought as much,
There’s something dead behind the stove
I’ve been too scared to touch!”
Now love’s a funny business,
And romance can be tough,
She asked me to talk dirty,
So I told her filthy stuff.
I thought I’d be seductive,
So I mentioned rotting food,
But apparently a blocked-up drain
Doesn’t get a woman in the mood!
